Places, Faces, and Realizations.

Have you ever been in a room full of people, but felt completely alone?
Have you ever had so much on your mind that you literally can't think anymore?
Have you ever been in a place where you're not quite sure where you are, or where you're going from there, or how you'll get there, or when you'll get there, or what you'll face along the way of the journey?

The three above entities epitomize my current state of mind.

It's sooo crazy how the people you thought you could count on turn out to be the people who hurt you most.
At this point, I've lost almost all trust in any and everyone.
Does that make me a cold-hearted person?
I kinda feel like it does.
But it's just what the last few months of life have done to me.

Don't you just love how you make all these plans, and start to get your heart and mind set on something so great that is so sure to happen...and then it crumbles in front of you and there's nothing you can do to fasten the pieces back together enough to muster up something good out of the situation?
Okay, so truthfully my situation isn't that severe.
The pieces of the puzzle that have previously been assembled are still mainly intact.
There are parts though- such as the edges- that were at one point in time placed so solidly in place and are now lost until further notice.
It's a rough feeling.

And don't you just love it when you leave things up to someone else...and then they just let you sit there and wonder and don't let you know what they're thinking? What they've got planned? Even though you've made it clear that you need this person's input on the situation in order to make your decision adequately? Like yeah, it can be argued that my decision-making process shouldn't revolve directly around this one particular person and/or situation. That's true. I realize that, and appreciate that thought. However, it seems that everyone involved seems to have left out an important aspect to my personality and aforementioned decision-making process- I prefer to plan for EVERYTHING in some way or another, and without a plan of some sort, I myself begin to resemble a crumbling puzzle.

I swear, my life is so metaphorical and confusing at times. I can hardly keep up myself most of the time. I guess I need to just focus on what's right in front of me, and that's this new chapter I'm about to open in my life. Said chapter will take me to new heights of anger, frustration, lust, happiness, complacence, self-realization and exploration, love, and learning. While I'm looking forward to this, I'm heavily nervous and anticipation-filled. There's no looking back now. Tunnel vision kicks in *now*.

--I'm in a low, dark place right now...but I'm on my way back up. When I get back up, take cover. I'll be back, bitches.--

"Tryna See Eye to Eye, But It's Like We're Both Blind."

Scared.
Nervous.
Loving.
Worried.
Anxious.
Expectant.
Lethargic.
Complacent.
[in] competent.
Unsure.
Ill.
Bah humbug.

Adjectives.
Yeah those.
I'm all of those, plus about 38 others.
How...you...and...yeah.
That about sums up how I feel right now.
Utterly...
-speechless-
How can you honestly expect me to know what to do in a situation like this?
And how can you continuously keep me on hold like this? It's like a never-ending cycle.
How do you affect me the way you do?
When are you going to tell me? I'm steady waiting for the day.
How do you expect me to go day to day and be just as happy as a lock, when you constantly impede my mood with your overwhelming wit and trifling trickery?
Am I inadequate?
Is that it?
If so, then why would you make all those plans (true, you haven't called them off yet, but who knows what could happen at this point?) and build me up to seem like something that I never thought I was, and then just throw something in like this?
I know you can't help it.
Per se.
But at the same time, you totally can.
You just won't.
So for now, I'll sit here and wallow in my self-pity and adventurous anger, and hope that you see the error of your ways, and just how much you hurt not only me, but yourself when you do things like this.

SHABBA!