Be the person you wanna find; don't be a nickel out here lookin' for a dime.

Okay.
Lyfe was speaking some real ish on this one...
"I'ma teach you how to expose the 90%, and show you what to do to keep the other 10.
Number One: Don't be a booty call. If he don't respect you girl, he's gon' forget you girl.
Two: If he's in a relationship, and he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you.
Three: Tell him that you're celibate, and if he wants some of your goodies he's gon' have to work for it.
Four: Be the person you wanna find; don't be a nickel out here lookin' for a dime.
STATISTICS!"
Hence the title of this post.
I, for one, needed to hear those good ole helpful hints.
Thanks LJ. I'll get you on the next round.
I need to hear a lot of other things too, but we'll start with this.
Number four was a particularly important one.
It seems that at times, I fail to realize some of the most obvious things ever.
And I'm not alone in doing this...many people succumb to the downfall that is obliviousness, especially pertaining to this subject.
However.
I tend to be oblivious to the fact that no one is perfect.
Naturally, I'm the first to jump and claim that I'm not perfect.
But from some of my comments, it is discernible that I expect everyone around me to be perfect, even though when I think about it, I know that's not a possibility.

Another issue that I have concerns the fact that I am extremely gullible.
I don't think it's a sign of being naive; rather a sign of trusting everyone to tell the truth.
To those of you who know me very well emotionally, it should come as no surprise that I have significant trust issues resulting from issues beyond my control.
This makes me wonder what on Earth has come over me to coerce me to believe (nearly) everything that I'm told.
Of course, there are exceptions; I don't believe EVERY thing I'm told.
For example: just the other day, I was told that the sky was lime green, and consisted of that slime stuff all of the 1990's kids remember so well.
I would have been a fool to regard such a preposterous proposition as being true.
But I find it to be a stark contradiction that I have trust issues (sometimes to the dismay of people whom, in reality, I should trust more than I do) with many individuals, yet can "let my guard down" when it comes to anyone else in the general world.
That's gotta change.

Additionally, I'm quite the potty mouth upon occasion.
I have been known to "swear as would a sailor" in the past.
It hadn't been an every day thing until recently; previously it was more of an anger or pain-induced coping mechanism.
But those days are behind me.
Although sometimes those sacred four-letter words make me feel better after I say them sometimes,
And although they give any "point" that I may wish to make an extra emphasis that is needed in some cases,
They have to be banished from my vocabulary.
It's gotta happen.
Or else, my kid is gonna pop out and instead of crying, he/she is going to look at me and say "you @#$!#$@*%, why didn't you let me out sooner?!?!?!?!? I'm gonna @#$%*!#@$%&*#@$%#@!$#$%&*$#$%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

While we're on this note, I'd like to include that I make fun of/talk badly of far too many people on far too often of a basis.
It's like a bad habit that I can't seem to shake, no matter how hard I try.
I have spurts here and there where I am overly aware of who I'm speaking with, and I realize that said person would be a prime candidate to turn around and twist my comments up and get me in trouble in the long run.
And I wonder why people talk about me?
Gee, Karma has shown me before that she's a very feisty character...but apparently I didn't learn.

And finally, the last stop on your tour through this spastic and confusing mind (I can hear your screams and chants, so I'll make this quick).
I'm just gonna be blunt on this one: I love too hard.
And I worry too much.
About EVERY little thing.
I care too much about the small things and neglect the big things (partially caused by my obliviousness, see paragraph one).
That's terrible, and it's gotta end.


So, given today's date, I'm sure you could guess where this post was headed, correct?
Well if not, let me let you in on a little secret.
Psssst...New Year's Resolutions.
Yeah, those *I almost cussed...I'm working on it though...which leads me to my next point*.
For your information, I do realize that this is an extreme laundry list of items that I aspire to accomplish within a minuscule amount of time.
I mean, a year? What? Come again?
However, I can do it, and I will tell you why.
A.) I'm confident...for now anyway. For the first time in...ever...I believe in myself, and that's the most important thing when you think about it.
B.) I've come to realize that only a few things happen overnight, and none of the above goals are included on that list. That being said, I understand that this list will require time to complete, and it will be a gradual process getting there. I'm actually okay with being patient this time.
C.) I've been told that my drive is what motivates OTHER people to be the best that they can be, so why not let my own drive motivate my own goals and dreams? Exactly. There's no reason to. (and no, I did not mean my sex drive, thank you.)

All of that being said, I'd like to conclude by informing you that 2011 is the year that I'm opening a whole new chapter in my life. Yes, that's extremely cliche, but I do not care at this point. There are so many things that 2011 has in store for me, and I'm determined to make the best of them. Without the above changes, that's simply impossible.

My new favorite quote:
"The past is only a building block for the future."
Read it. Believe it. Live it. Love it.
Happy New Year.

M-I-A A-T-L fo sho.

Hey babes. I trust that all of you are doing well? I surely hope so. I am sincerely sorry that I haven't posted in almost 60 days, but if you knew how busy I had been...yeah. Lots of emotional turmoil. Anywho, I just wanted to check in with you all and inform you that I miss you something terribly. It's depressing, actually. I have SO much to share with you all from the past months and I can't wait to do so, but currently that's a goal that's slightly unattainable as I am posting through my mobile phone only. Regardless, I shall return, loverlies. I. Shall. Return. Have a blessed day :)

Part Two.

...that in mind. Right at this very moment, I should be focusing on my own goals and getting business done as I need to, just like he's doing. It's for the best, probably, because we both have goals and ambitions to be met and accomplished, and we can't possibly sustain a successful relationship without them. So from here on out, I have a new word. A new word to live by that applies to absolutely every aspect of my life. It's more than my motto, it's my mantra and the definition of my self-being. Wanna know the word? FOCUS. That's it. FOCUS. And that's just what I plan to do for eternity. FOCUS.

Metamorphosis.

My Senior Metamorphosis is as follows:
Speak only when spoken to. This applies to every human, animal, or object that I may encounter at any point in time. I'm tired of laying myself out there on the line for everyone to just step over and keep going, so I'm gonna put a stop to the demeaning manner of such.
Be honest when you say that you don't care what people think of me. My thing is, I just don't understand how the 6 of you think that you're gonna talk about me right in front of my face and that I wouldn't know. But it's whatever. You aren't putting any bread on my table or water in my tub, so your presence is irrelevant to me.
Don't give up. Don't even think about it. I need to delete that as an option. Here lately it's been a regular occurrence in my mind, and I'm not down with that.
Quit thinking so much about superficial, emotional matters, and focus on important things that will further my future and my progress. That pretty much explains itself.
Be less oblivious. I've got a major problem with that. Like MAJOR. And it's gotta stop..
Be optimistic, no matter what the situation. I've been so pessimistic lately, I've begun to piss my own self off, which further increases the pessimism.
Stop being a bitch to the few people in your life who care. That's for sure. That's like first and foremost.
Don't get so attached. If you are already too attached, begin to detach yourself. Good advice.
Quit being naive. If he wants you, he'll let you know. If not, he'll let you know. Probably one of the hardest, yet most obvious realizations to make.
Lose the attitude. It's unbecoming. It's becoming extremely ugly, and I don't appreciate it.
Respect everyone, but most importantly, respect yourself and demand the same respect from others. In other words, forced confidence.
Don't show your true emotions to anyone. I mean anyone. I have no idea what happened, because I used to not have a problem with this. It was automatic. But within the last, hmm, year or so? It's gotten ridiculous and I cannot seem to do quit sharing how I feel with the world.
Quit posting certain shit on Facebook. Too many nosey people in the world = too many people judging me based on my having a bad day, or saying "whatever," or getting pissed off and posting a resentful status. Be careful what you "like" on there, and who you talk to, and what you say, because just because you may think it's private, chances are that it probably isn't.
Become less indecisive. Something I've struggled with for years now, and had no luck in doing. I've gotta get better about it, though. It's interfered with my life for long enough now.
Don't make promises. It just makes you look like an unreliable idiot who can't control your life.
Refrain from talking about people. Golden Rule: "do unto others as you'd like them to do to you." All I can say is, I'm tired of being talked about negatively. So maybe I should try the Golden Rule out for a spin? I think so.
Never lie. Something I should have learned almost 17 years ago, but recently, I had a memory lapse and somehow forgot that lesson. I regret it, I do. I wouldn't be in as much physical and emotional pain as I'm in now if it weren't for the fact that I lied to literally EVERYONE in my life, including myself, but you live and you learn. I suppose I made such a mistake to be able to add this list of metamorphosis's.

And finally...(drum roll please)...

DON'T CARE. I do that too much, so I've gotta stop.

Well, all of these changes will have taken place before June 11, 2011.
This is gonna be even more of a difficult year...

SHABBA.

I am a wishy-washy girl, but it's a wishy washy world.

I have a terrible case of the wishy-washies. I'm sure you all read that last post, and if you haven't, please read that before you read this. But I'm just confused because...what if he's not really cheating? What I'm just paranoid as usual? What if I'm not though? What if he doesn't see me the same way as he did before, and now he's looking elsewhere? I mean 2 months apart is a long time to think, how do I know he didn't do just that? How do I know anything? Exactly. I don't. SHABBA.

Dueces.

"All that bullshit is for the birds, you ain't nothing but a vulture, uh-uh-uh.
Always hoping for the worst, waiting for me to fuck up.
You'll regret the day when I find another [guy], yeah.
You know just what I need, and you know just what I mean, when I tell you keep it drama free.
Ooooh, oh, oh oh oh oh oh oh, dueces. Ooooh, oh, oh oh oh oh oh oh, ch-chunkin' up the dueces.
Told you that I'm leavin...
I know you mad but so what? I wish you best of luck, and now I'm finna throw them dueces up!
I'm on some new shit, I'm chunkin my dueces up, to [him].
I'm movin' on to somethin' better, better, better.
No more tryna make it work.
You make me wanna say, bye bye, say, bye bye, say, bye bye, to [him].
You make me wanna say, bye bye, say, bye bye, say, bye bye, to [him].
Uh, used to be valentines, together all the time.
Thought it was true love, but you know [men] lie.
It's like I sent my love with a text two times.
Call because I care but I ain't gettin no reply.
Tryna see eye to eye but it's like we both blind,
Fuck it let's hit the club, I rarely sip but pore me some.
Because when it's all said and done, I ain't gon be the one that [he] can always run to.
I hate liars, fuck love I'm tired of tryin.
My heart big but it beat quiet...
I don't never feel like we vibin, because everytime we alone it's an awkward silence.
So leave your keys on the kitchen counter, and give me back that ruby ring with the big diamond.
Shit is over, so whatchu trippin for?
I don't wanna have to let you go,
But baby, I think it's better if I let you know...
I'm on some new shit, I'm chunkin my dueces up, to [him].
I'm movin' on to somethin' better, better, better.
No more tryna make it work.
You make me wanna say, bye bye, say, bye bye, say, bye bye, to [him].
You make me wanna say, bye bye, say, bye bye, say, bye bye, to [him]."

There couldn't possibly be any song that could describe how I feel right now more than this one.
Thanks Chris Brown.
I'm totally throwin up the dueces.
I'm done.
Like lemme break it down.
"All this bullshit is for the birds, you ain't nothin' but a vulture" is just like AHHHHH, true, because that's all he's being- a vulture.
He's out for more than he can handle and not worrying about what's really good for him, and he's going about it the wrong way, yet still pretending like nothing's wrong when you talk to me.
Yeah. Vulture.
"You'll regret the day when I find another [guy], yeah." Should we come to blows [not even like that] and have a discussion about this, and a breakup come out of it, he'll regret when he's with her and then he can't trust her & isn't satisfied because he thinks she's a hoe like he did back then. He'll realize that he was wrong, and that I was all that he was looking for wrapped up into a short little package, like he always said, and that'll be his fault. He'll regret it especially once I find someone else [if I even worry about that, because at this point I'm done with love] and he sees pictures of us and whatnot...he'll regret it and realize that all of the promises that were unfulfilled, dreams unmet, goals abandoned, and wishes disregarded are exactly what he wants, and he wants it with ME, not HER.
"I know you mad but so what? I wish you best of luck, and now I'm finna throw them dueces up!" He'll say that it's not true, and that he still loves me, and try to deny it, but my thing is- how do I know she's the only other one? I mean if I'm seeing proof of it right before my eyes like this, imagine what's going on behind my back? He'll be pissed, but whatever. And I do wish him the best of luck. He's come a long way, and I'm proud of him no matter what. But I can't take this uncertainty and lack of trust, so I'm throwin the dueces up...
"I'm movin' on to somethin' better, better, better. No more tryna make it work." We've been "tryna make it work" since November, and I'm tired of trying. I'll move on to someone who I can trust and who won't blatantly cheat on me right in front of my online face, if I don't just stay single for the rest of my life.
"Uh, used to be valentines, together all the time. Thought it was true love, but you know [men] lie." This is beyond true, because I never thought that anything like this would occur between us. We used to be like valentines all the time, just happily in love with a few issues but nothing like this. I was convinced that it was true love, just perfection, but apparently he's a liar and a cheater and I can't take that. I've been through enough with relationships and I just can't take that. Furthermore, I don't deserve that. So thanks to his decisions, these valentines are being split right in half and that's the end of that.
"It's like I sent my love with a text two times. Call because I care but I ain't gettin no reply." Clearly I made comment back on FB, sent him a FB message, a text as well, and it's quite obvious that he got them all because if he can get on and get HER stuff and write on HER wall and have nostalgic conversations with her about fucking gummy worms and "You know I can still tell when you're lying right?" and comment on her picture that has a caption of "he make me smile" and say "word :)" meaning "yeah I know I do, that's what's up bae, love you," in the undercover version...I'm more hurt than anything. Like not even jealous, just...hurt. Really hurt. It's like, even though we technically aren't together, we agreed that we're "dating without calling it that." So can someone, anyone out there, please explain to me how it makes sense that we're "together without the title" but yet he has the freedom to go and flirt as he wants, but yet I've been here for these last 2 months, RELIGIOUSLY writing him letters every night and day and spending my hard-earned money to pay for postage to mail them to freaking Texas, ripping and running here and there to the post office and mailbox to make sure that there's nothing new there from him, and pretty much put my happiness on hold and lied to EVERYONE in my life, including myself, and now he's gonna turn around and act like this?! And go around talking to this floosie that CLEARLY he said he didn't want in the first place after they broke up...and just leave me hanging, not even tell me what's up, nothing? *deep breath, wipe away the tears, toughen the skin & move on*

I don't even feel like analyzing any more lyrics.
That right there, that last big paragraph, it describes how I feel.
I need to stop before I have an aneurysm.
Anyway, I'm flippin the middle finger up and the index finger is following because I'm done.
Worst part?
I can't talk to anyone about it.
Which is my fault.
So I've learned my lesson on multiple things.
A.) Don't trust ANYONE, it only gets you screwed over in the end.
B.) Don't fall head-over-heels when you're in a situation where the person isn't trustworthy & isn't able to physically be there for you.
C.) Don't lie.
Three lessons I should have learned a long time ago.

SHABBA.

"Cause I Was Made To Love You."

Today has been okay I suppose.
Lemme backup.
I apologize for not blogging in the last like, month and a half.
I've been SUPER busy.
School.
Drama.
New car.
Sickness.
Work.
Drama.
School.
Work.
Sickness.
Drama.
School.
And that's about it.
Like I've been so busy I haven't even had adequate time to reflect on anything.
But I'm here now.
I'm not gonna talk a lot.
Just give you the basics of today.
Because that's pretty much all I can remember.

Well this morning Mom woke me up so we could get ready to go to yard sales.
And I was gonna tell her about the letter then.
But I couldn't.
It wasn't the right time.
Too many open ears, aka SAM woke up.
So I waited until he went out & approached her about it.
She listened as I read the excerpt that concerned me most.
She agreed that he wasn't quite himself.
Then she explained that he was fine.
Just going through a lot of shit.
And that I shouldn't read too much into it.
And that I should just go with the flow & relax for now.
And see what happens when he has more freedom/gets out of BMT and into TS.
And just chill pretty much.
Very good advice.
I'm gonna do just that.
So yeah.
I guess that helped me for now.
Then we went out to yard sales.
Pretty fun.
Exhausting though.
Especially when you've been battling the plague and extreme allergies/sinuses.
So yeah.
But anyway.
We came home and did absolutely nothing.
Which was fine with me, because I got to sleep.
I always like that.
So I did.
And then Maricka called & wanted to go out to eat.
And in the rush to get to my phone.
I definitely broke my toe.
As if I needed that.
It's like swollen & purple & can't be bent & just...ahh.
Pain.
But I'm good :]
Anyway.
I've basically been chill since then.
Mom's super sick too.
Not fun :[
I hate when she's sick.
It's so depressing.
Just saying.
Anyway.
I've been doing some pretend-online-shopping.
And talking to Jesse, of course.
We're both hardcore worried about Casey.
His friend that he met at the club last night who's currently MIA.
And we're just really worried.
Like never before.
But he's gonna text Mel tomorrow & see if she's heard from him.
And if not.
Then he's gonna wait til later in the day & text him.
Which will be good.
But anyway.
I'm gonna go.
Quit listening to this headache-enhancing music.
And probably go get some sleep.
Hopefully quit thinking.
For a few minutes, at least.
I need that.
Who knew that this whole situation would be THIS complicated?
Oh.
Ha.
That's right.
I did.
So why the hell did I sign up for this voluntarily?
Because I have no brain.
That's why.
Or because I'm blinded by love?
That's it.
And the no brain thing.
In his words,
"Bummer huh? Such is life. Oh well."
That's my attitude about it.
I feel like hand-writing something.
Whoo for that!
Perhaps some OSTG?!?!?!
I think so!!

SHABBA!

"Lord I Can't Wait To See The Look On Their Faces When I Get The Nerve To Say..."

I just unloaded myself from A LOT of drama.
And I'm so glad.
Yes, I still have drama to deal with.
But it's alright.
I'm done with this situation.
Forever.
That is all.

There Ain't Nobody Who Can Comfort Me, Oh Yeah.

I'm okay.
Today wasn't the best.
But I guess it's stable now.
Got these people straight about the cell phone.
After like, 3 or more hours.
Fun.
Then Mom had a doctor's appointment.
Which was just a checkup.
Standard procedure.
So we went.
They did bloodwork.
Come to find out, her potassium was "CRITICALLY" low.
When she heard this, she wasn't surprised.
She always has issues with her potassium.
For a few years.
This time.
It was CRITICAL.
Basically either she got an IV right away.
Or spend 3 or more nights in ICU right away.
So.
Guess what we picked?
Grabbed a bite to eat.
We were supposed to be at the hospital to have the outpatient procedure done at 3:30.
Okay.
We got there at like 3:20-ish.
You know what time they got the IV in?
Seventeen.
Minutes.
After.
Five.
That's 5:17, for those of you who can't calculate time.
Craziness.
Even crazier?
It turned out to be a blessing.
Anyway.
The IV was supposed to take 4 hours.
And it did.
We got to leave at like, 9:30.
They even fed her.
It was good.
We were both pretty full from our earlier meal.
Arby's.
YumTasty.
So we ate some of the food on her plate.
I say "we" because she demanded my help as well.
The food was pretty good.
And we got to watch cable.
So we were content.
My phone died, which was unfortunate.
But we had Mom's phone & the phone in the room.
So we survived.
My phone was like, semi-dead, I should say.
It had moments of resurrection.
It was odd.
Anyway.
The time passed pretty quickly overall.
Then we left.
Came home.
To a SAM.
And no, a SAM is not a good thing.
That SAM that we have here, didn't even bother to come to the hospital.
Just sent his well-wishes over the phone.
Yet.
If said SAM was in the hospital.
And Mama and I didn't rush right over.
Even if it WAS just for an IV for potassium.
Said SAM would flip. out.
And probably wouldn't speak for days.
Yet Mom and I have to pretend that we aren't angry.
And tons of other descriptive and strong adjectives that I can't think of.
I'm pretty daggone pissed with said SAM.
As always.
Ladies, a SAM is a sad thing to have.
And Gents, a SAM is a sad thing to be.
So yeah.
Remember that word of advice.

Anywho.
We got home a little after 10.
And we've kinda just been chillin ever since.
I took a shower.
Mom is going to take one in the morning.
SAM took his already I suppose.
Whatever.
I'm exhausted.
Mom and SAM are on their way to sleep.
SAM hardly showed concern for Mom's condition.
Once again, SAM's are bad things to be/have.
Literally.
And now I'm about to head to bed.
But not before practicing my nightly ritual.
And no, it's not sexual.
It's emotional and intellectual.
But does not involve my hands being placed in places where they shouldn't be.
Just in case you were wondering.

Oh, and ps.
Day Two was easier.
Well really Day Three.
But to me, it was Day Two.
I guess I should call it Day Three.
Dang.
Well.
Day Three.
Whatever.
Easier.
Much.
A few moments.
But easier overall.
Thank Goodness.

SHABBA!

I'm Lost On A Road, Don't Know Which Way To Go.

Thank you, baby, for introducing me to this song before you left.
I swear, it will be my saving grace tonight.

"Walking around, looking for a way,
But no one tells me which way to go.
I'm caught up in a world,
A labyrinth, a maze,
Where yes men could easily be known.
I ask them no questions,
They give me no answers,
Following the wise,
But they're walking in Pampers.
Give me a cigarette,
Smoking my cancer.
Drink the pain away
But I still have no answers.

I'm lost on a road,
Don't know which way to go,
I'm losing my mind,
Losing control of the wheel
And I'm swerving,
On and off the road.
I'm lost on a road,
But survival is a must,
Don't know who I can trust,
I'm living in a rush,
I don't understand the fuss,
My brain is bout to bust.

I think I'm losing it,
I might be losing it,
I just might lose,
Am I losing my mind?
And I'm so confused,
I don't know what to do,
And I need a clue
Before I run out of time.
Am I losing it?
Am I losing it?
I think I'm losing.
I'm losing my mind.
Am I losing it?
Am I losing it?
I think I'm losing,
I'm losing my mind.

I-I-I-Ima need counseling,
I lost my mind and still haven't found it.
I used to be so well-rounded.
But now I tiptoe on hell's boundaries.
F F. Baby, A.K.A. crazy.
Trapped in a maze, therefore I am amazing.
Block E the doc, I'm just a patient,
And even with Navigation,
I'm lost on a road,
I... I... I don't know what's wrong with me
But... but I'm a keep that styrofoam with me (styrofoam, styrofoam, styrofoam).
I'm lost on a road,
And I don't know what's wrong with me,
Gorilla Zoe on the song with me,
He must be gone with me.

I think I'm losing it,
I might be losing it,
I just might lose,
Am I losing my mind?
And I'm so confused,
I don't know what to do,
And I need a clue
Before I run out of time.
Am I losing it?
Am I losing it?
I think I'm losing.
I'm losing my mind.
Am I losing it?
Am I losing it?
I think I'm losing,
I'm losing my mind.

I'm making this money-
Just to go spend it.
Living the good life-
Hope nobody ends it.
But who are you kidding?
Ay who are you lying to?
You know if they want you,
Best believe they will find you.

I'm lost on a road,
And there's no one to talk to,
There's nowhere to run to,
I'm going in circles,
I'm talking to myself-
Got me blazing this purple.

I think I'm losing it,
I might be losing it,
I just might lose,
Am I losing my mind?
And I'm so confused,
I don't know what to do,
And I need a clue
Before I run out of time.
Am I losing it?
Am I losing it?
I think I'm losing.
I'm losing my mind.
Am I losing it?
Am I losing it?
I think I'm losing,
I'm losing my mind."


You know, it's crazy.
That song would normally keep me torn up.
And make me cry.
And make me think of him.
And just make me upset in general.
And give me the butterflies.
And again make me think of him.
And make me wish he was here.
And make me remember the day when we first listened to this song.
And make me remember his reaction when I told him I downloaded it.
And make me remember his reaction when I told him I downloaded it and fell in love with it.
And make my nerves shoot me upside the head.
But instead.
It's so...relaxing.
Maybe because it's like.
I know where he is.
Even though we're thousands of miles part.
He's listening to this song in his head.
And in his heart.
And it's keeping him strong.
Even though it's such a depressing song based on the lyrics.
It's just.
Crazy.
I can't digest it.
Maybe I'm not meant to.
Maybe that's not the only thing I'm not meant to digest.
And you know, the more I think about these lyrics.
It's like.
Okay.
Part of this song is meant for me right now.
Like the lyrics accurately portray how I feel.
But then.
There are a couple of parts and lyrics that I'm sure just describe him perfectly at this moment.
I can't understand how one song could take on so many different meanings.
This is one deep song.
And we're two deep people.
To love it this much.
And I'm just over-analyzing stuff.
As.
Usual.
I sound like I'm writing something for an AP English class.
But this is just.
How I feel.
Which is strange.
That it took this depressing song to tell me how I feel.
I'm odd.

SHABBA!

"When I Think That I Can't, I Envision..."

OHHHHHHBAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
Jesse is the only person who understands this.
Long story short.
I haven't had a good day.
It was good when Mama & I were cooking.
That was fun.
Other than that.
Pretty hideous.
I don't feel like dealing with it.
I'm tired of this migraine situation every night.
I'm tired of people ignoring me.
I'm tired of this feeling.
I'm tired of being tired.
So I'm going to bed, and I pray that tomorrow will be better.

SHABBA!

"You Know We Keep That White Girl, Christina Aguilera..."

"BABY, THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT YOU!!!!"
Funniest.
Thing.
Ever.
To.
Occur.
In.
My.
Life.
Shane was talking about my being "white" on the inside & "yellow" on the outside.
And this song came on called "White Girl" and the lyrics go...
"You know we keep that White Girl, Christina Aguilera,
My jewelry too loud baby girl I can't hear ya,
I need about 50 of them bricks of the topic,
They know we run the streets man them boys best stop it..."
And this fool of mine is in the bathroom, telling me to turn the song up.
Then he yells out "BABY, THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT YOU!!!!!!"
And I thought I'd die laughing.
While he's a couple rooms away sitting on the toilet.
I was like "Well, I guess that's how he feels then..."
Seeing as how he said he preferred "white" girls over ghetto chicks.
So I guess I've got that going for me :)
I have the greatest <3.

Well I apologize for my EXTREME tardiness.
I have been super busy doing absolutely nothing.
Haha.
I have definitely neglected this whole blog scenario, and I've gotta do better about that.
So yeah.

The past few weeks have been...stressful...but the past week has been simply amazing :)
Well, I take that back.
It's been amazing, with a few flaws here and there that were self-inflicted.
[Sidenote- I totally just noticed that the words "ate" and "eat" are comprised of the same letters. Wowwwww!]
Anyway, Shane & I are great.
Better than ever.
He's leaving on the 2nd of August.
I'm pretty bummed.
I won't get to see him until Christmas.
Which is great.
Not.
But we'll get to talk and write letters here and there, so at least all communication won't be lost.
I'm happy about that :)
Then after Christmas he'll have maybe like a month left?
That's a rough guess.
He should be done in like Feb.
Then he'll get to come home for a few weeks.
Which will be crowded because everyone will be on "I MISS SHANE" mode.
Including me.
But I get him at night ;)
Kidding!
Anywho.
We're trying to talk as much as possible & spend a little time together when he can before he leaves.
Which is difficult because he wants to hang out with me "30/13" he said.
But his family is of course on "WE NEED TO HANG OUT" mode.
Which is understandable.
So I'm laying low and just letting him hang with them as much as he needs to.
And I'm just in the background.
I'm fine with that.
I mean, we're still together, so that's what really matters.
:)
It's love.
:)
Anyway.

I.
Miss.
Jesse.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have hardly talked in like 2 days.
That's sooooo not what I'm used to!
I miss my Twinnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahhh I'm having withdrawls!!!
:( :( :( :( :( :(
Blahh.

Well I'm exhausted.
So it's nightynighty time for me.
I promise, I'll try to do better about the blog again.
I was doing great at one point, but lately...
Not so much.
I've got some work to do.
As always.
This blog situations is high up on the list, though.
You should be happy to know.
RHYMESSS!
Like Bustaa!
Ha.

SHABBA!

143 :)

Well hey.
I'm here.
It's me.
Alllllllllllllie.
Been doing some OSTG writing!
That's exciting.
Hope my loverlies are doing well.

So this morning was shit.
I was in a hardcore depression stage.
But I'm better now :]
I still physically feel like shit because I'm kinda sick.
Like my chest has been hurting.
I'm having acid reflux issues.
I'm coughing a lot.
I've had a headache.
And I basically have no appetite.
I've hardly eaten all day.
About 6 or 8 saltine crackers with a smear of potted meat.
That was the first food I'd had all day, and it was 3:00 or after by then.
And a scrambled egg and a hot dog split in half and browned in the frying pan.
And I wasn't even really hungry.
I just knew I better eat before I started getting lightheaded or something.
Mama was like "Girl you better eat! Be done got up there in front of the judge and just *clunkclunk* passed out!"
So I ate the potted meat.
Then the egg and hot dog was for dinner.
It was pretty good.
But I just look at food and get nauseous at the thought of it.
I opened the cabinet and had to hold myself back from throwing up.
It was ridiculous.
So yeah haha.
Could be brought on by stress.
Most likely is, actually.
But other than that, I'm alright.

So I was talking to Shane.
Decided to go ahead and get up and do my hair.
Seeing as how it was on Tina Turner status.
Once I did that I took a shower and got dressed and ready for court.
Went and did a case.
Then came home.
Went out with Mama and Josh to Uncle E's house.
We had to go check on something for his pool for him.
Then we went to Wal-Mart and checked for a liner for his pool.
Epic. Fail.
On Wal-Mart's part, anyway.
THEY DON'T EVEN SELL LINERSSSS!
For any pool!!!!!
That's ridiculous.

Then we came home and have been chillin ever since.
Shane just got home a little bit ago.
I'm about to take some medicine and be knocked out :/
Well it'll be refreshing since I hardly slept last night.
I literally got like an hour and a half of sleep... if that.
So yeah.
Anyway.
Enough of this pity party.
I'd like to extend a congratulations to iJustine for winning Price Is Right todayyy!
Well it wasn't today, but it was aired today.
It was great!!
I watched it :]

Well now I'm gonna go write some more OSTG before I fall asleep from the medicine.
Fun fun.
I'm talking to Twin right now, though.
That's superduper fun!
I've missed him.
Even though we've talked off and on all day.
And talked briefly last night.
Interesting.
Haha.

SHABBA!
:]

"We Only Got 86 400 Seconds In A Day, To Turn It All Around Or To Throw It All Away.

Hey.
Back.
It's me.
Anyway.
Today was great.
Minus one detail this morning.
And when I posted that last blog.
So this morning.
I woke up LATE.
Like almost 11.
When I'm normally waking up around like 9.
That was crazy.
Then I literally sat there for 2 or 3 minutes because my eyes were like, stuck in the shut position.
I thought I was just still tired or something.
So finally I got up.
Went to pee.
Happened to look in the mirror when I shut the door and saw that my eyes looked swolen.
I didn't think much of it, just shrugged it off and peed and washed my hands and face and walked out.
Then I was sitting in the chair and happened to look over at the mirror near me in the china cabinet.
My eyes STILL looked swolen.
So I hopped up and looked in the mirror and it was in fact swolen reallllly badly.
The left one was hideous.
Almost swolen shut.
The right one was swolen pretty bad too.
I asked Mom if they looked swolen and she said yes.
Then we figured out what it was.
Yesterday, while Larry was here, I was out in the yard working out.
Playing soccer, volleyball, running, and attempting to do some tumbling.
I need to learn like really bad.
Here I am, a cheerleading coach and can't even tumble.
I suck.
So I started doing some cartwheels, roundoffs, attempts at handsprings.
Failed attempts, I may add.
Then I started to get dizzy and feel sick, so I stopped.
Came inside.
Got something to drink and sat down.
Relaxed for a minute.
Of course I was sweating really bad so I was wiping my face free of sweat.
My hands that had, of course, been in the pollen, ragweed-filled grass.
Both of which I'm heavily allergic to.
So yeah.
You see what happened there.

Anyway, the rest of the day was great.
Josh went off to work on a few cars.
Mom and I were here cooking (fun for us, actually), cleaning a little, and just relaxing overall.
Then Josh came home and thoroughly pissed me off.
Hence the last blog.
I probably overreacted.
But I was mad.
He came in with an attitude, no cigarettes for Mom like he had promised, and no food for HIMSELF like he so rudely said he was going to get on the way home.
Then he was yelling about stuff and just being a general jerk.
And I was just like "How does one person come in and ruin my day like that? Is it possible?
Anyway.

So now I'm doing nothing.
I took some allergy medicine and I'm about to go to bed in a little bit.
And snore.
And dream.
And all that :)

Shane's good.
I just talked to him earlier.
He's in Dallas at an audition.
:)
I love him to pieces.

So yeah.
I'm basically lost for words.
I have nothing exciting to report haha.
Today was WAYYYYYYYY less stressful than the past few days have been.
Lately I've been on edge like crazy.
Today I was just relaxed.
That's good :)
I mean the stressful situations are still there, but I was able to kind of avoid them for a while.
Mentally and actually too.
So yeah.
Now I'm looking for a dress.
Shane wants to take me to this dinner thing next weekend.
I need a white dress.
He's willing to buy it at any price, he said.
Even if its like $500.
So that's... wow.
I'm looking at this one that's like $199.
That's good compared to his original estimate of $500.
And I have the perfect shoes to go with it.
I mean it's an outrageous price for a dress, I know.
But apparently its like this red carpet gala sort of thing, so I have to look amazing.
So I'm definitely getting my hair done haha.
Nails and toes too, probably.
Wonder if I can talk him into going with me...
Hehe ;)

SHABBA!

"There Oughta Be A Law, Get The Sheriff On The Phone"

There oughta be a law that states that a person cannot be as angry as I am right now.
I was having a WONDERFUL, FANTASTIC, GREAT, KICK-ASS day, until now.
I understand that I'm 20 days late on my next post, and I sincerely apologize for that.
I just pray that you'll listen to what I have to say next.
Thank you.
Here goes.


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

That's all.
I'll post more later.

SHABBA!

Power, Oh Power, Is The Force Of Love.

MJ Quote.

All I have to say for now, is that I'm practicing my lawyer skills.
And no, not at work.
In my real life.
I'm ready.
Just come at me, bitches, and its on.
I'm in rare form right now, and I can't wait for someone to step to me with an argument.
They forget what I do for a living.
Allie is nice.
Almost always.
Until you get on her bad side.
That's right.
Bad side.
Allie has a bad side.
And you all are on it.
Almost everyone.
So yes.
Allie's pissed.
Allie. Est. Angaerao.
Angry.
Annnnnnnnnngryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Just for anyone who happens to care.

SHABBA!

"I'm Tired of Being the Victim of Fate."

Thank you, MJ, for that line.

Hey.
I'm going to bed soon.
I'm working on OSTG now.
I'm exhausted, and have a headache.
It was a migraine, but now its sort of turned into a dull pain.
But I feel the migraine coming back.
So I figure I should lay down soon.
But I'm not trying to be a complaining bitch, so I say the following.
"I'm alive, and that's all that matters."
So true.
Anyway.
Today was... less hectic... but still busy.
Went to Beuford.
Went over to Daddy's to get the mail.
(sidenote: he's been picking up the mail for us since we haven't been at home and keeping it for us and we pick it up from him when we come up there.)
Went to the post office.
Then to Hardee's.
Texas Toast Sandwich.
Yummayyy.
Then Mama and I went home.
Daddy showed up a little later.
We went grocery shopping.
Went to my grandma's.
Came back home.
Mama, Daddy & I chilled & talked.
Then he left.
Then we got stuff together to bring down here and left.
Not long after we got here, the kids came over.
Linda was here too.
Then she left to go get a new phone.
Mama and I watched the kids while she went and did that.
When she came back, she came over here again.
We all sat and talked, and I continued to watch the kids.
Then they left.
And we haven't been doing anything since they left.
Mama and I ate.
Jr went out on a call.
We've been talking about beach stuff.
Then I started writing OSTG.
And talking to someone who I probably shouldn't have.
But I can't help it.
That's another stressful and complicated situation in my life.
Anyway.
So now I'm gonna probably start hand-writing some OSTG.
Maybe.
But then I'm going to bed.
:)
This is a good thing haha.
I think Mama and I are getting up early in the morning and going yard sailing.
That's super fun :)
Hopefully we'll find some stuff that we don't need, but want anyway.
That's always what happens.
That's the fun part :)
Kidding.
Anyway.
Shane will be here soon.
I'm excited about this development.
He's becoming a bigger part of my life now a days, and I'm so thankful for his presence.
There's quite a few situations lately that I don't think I could have survived without him.
Seriously.
Wanna know what scares/worries me?
I said the same thing about Wes.
That's not fun.
:(
But this isn't serious.
Shane and I are just friends.
Not like that.
So that's one thing that may prevent that.
So yeah.
:)
This is good :)

SHABBA!

"Well Done."

So I'm not trying to copy you Twin, but this was one of the multiple quotes of the day.
My mom and I decided that we're gonna make that our new phrase.
When someone does something ridiculous, we're going to sarcastically say "Well done."
So.
In reference to today.
*claps excessively*
Well done.

Today... has been a hectic day.
I have never been so glad to sit down and take a load off than I was today.
I don't even have the strength to go into the last few days' events.
I'll briefly do it though, because I love you.
Well, Henry went back to the doctor today like he was supposed to.
The doctor was taking forever and he was tired.
He told Kaitlyn he was gonna lay his head over & take a nap until the doctor came in.
About a minute or two later, he was unresponsive.
Kaitlyn thought he was playing, and then his eyes rolled back in his head & he wouldn't respond to her.
They took him to the hospital, and Kaitlyn and Melody literally thought he was dead.
Apparently he's allergic to Lortab's.
A pain medicine.
And he didn't know.
Anyway.
Melody calls mama, crying, saying whats going on, and we rush over there.
They gave him three doses of this... reverse effect kind of medicine... that makes whatever medicine you have in your system kind of like... reverse... it's complicated.
Anyway.
It made the allergic reaction stop.
Then they got him to come to.
When we got there, he was awake and alert, but he would just stare into space and only talk when asked a question.
It was creepy, like looking at my dad when he was sick.
I just... ugh.
Anyway.
We had to leave soon after we got there to go to a meeting with Mama's lawyer, so we did that.
That lasted like 10 minutes.
Left.
Came home for a few minutes.
I went next door to Linda's and told her that we were going to go get the pizza and cake in just a minute.
[sidenote: Today was her birthday, and we wanted to do something special for her]
She came over.
As soon as she walked in over here, we observed some strange business going on in our neighborhood and suspected that someone had been robbed or something down the street, or that someone was up to no good.
It was super weird.
Anyway.
So Linda had her kids in the house next door.
An 8-year old and a 4-year old.
Both are smart as all get out.
Anyway.
And she didn't want them over there by themselves with whatever that was going on, going on.
So she got them and brought them over here with us.
So I got to babysit them while Mama and Linda talked.
You'd think it'd be hard, since I've never babysat before in my life.
But in reality, I loved it.
I really realized tonight how much I love kids.
Well, they were here with us from that point on.
They wanted to go with us to get the pizza & cake, and didn't wanna ride with their Mom to go get their dad.
So we took them with us.
Then everyone got together and ate.
Minus their dad.
Well he's not their dad.
He's Linda's fiance'.
Anyway.
Long story short, he stayed over there, but the rest of us ate over here.
Minus Shane.
He was working.
But then I had to continue to babysit them for like 3 hours.
Which was cool with me.
I loved it!
Anyway.
So they left because they have school tomorrow.
And its their last day.
Andddd when they get out of school, they're supposed to be coming over here to play.
That's cool with me!
I sound like a pedophile.
Anyway.
I don't mind it.
But I'll tell you.
I was already exhausted before they got here.
But by the time they left?????
Oh.
No.
I'm so tired right now, I'm typing with my eyes closed and I just know when I hit the wrong button and I backspace and fix it.
So yeah.
Annnnnyway, that's what my day was like.
At least Mama and I did get to actually have some boding time earlier. We went and got some lunch, then sat out under the trees in the shade downtown and watched people.
What we love to do.
So yeah.
That was good.
But now.
I'm going to bed.
I have a migraine, because I was thinking about what happened yesterday [please see next post underneath for more details].
I'm taking some medicine, and hitting the hay.
I guess you say, "that girl ALWAYS has something wrong with her, huh? ALWAYS has something to complain about, huh?", don't you Blogger?
I guess I do.
I need to work on that.
I'm just thankful to be here.
So if I'm tired, or my ankle hurts, or I have a migraine, I should just be thankful that I'm alive to feel these things, right?
That's the way I see it.
Optimism.

SUPERShabba !

"Cause I Ain't Never Seen A Country Boy, With Tires On His Truck This High."

Yesterday.
Has been one of the most hectic days of my life.
Not the most hectic.
But definitely in the top 10.
It started off normal.
Running a few errands, talking to Grandma and Daddy, whatever.
Linda came over here, and that's becoming the new norm.
Which I'm pretty happy with that.
Love her to pieces.
Anyway.
Melody pops in and asks if I want to go to CVS with her & Kaitlyn to get some hair stuff.
I reluctantly agreed.
So here we go, and pull in the parking lot at CVS.
Kaitlyn's phone rings.
Henry's work.
He's been injured at work and we had to pick him up immediately and take him to the urgent care clinic that they work with.
Okay.
So Melody still made it an issue to run into CVS.
They couldn't wait to buy some fingernails to put on, and hairspray?
Really?
Oh, and mousse.
That couldn't wait to go get him?
Anyway.
Then we went and got him.
The poor boy's foot was swelled up to the size of my thigh.
It was a mixture of bright hot pink, deep red, neon blue, and a pretty shade of purple.
Ridiculous.
A pallet full of boxes, altogether it weighed approximately 400-500 lbs.
Fell on his foot.
I felt the pain for him, because I know how it feels to have a foot injury like that.
Twice.
Anyway.
Took him over there.
I ended up having to fill out the paperwork because Melody was too nervous and Henry was in too much pain.
Kaitlyn just stayed out of it because Melody insisted that she did because all she did was yell at her the entire time.
That made me mad as it was.
Anyway.
Then they got him back there, the doctor looked at it and said he'd take an x-ray and give him Ibuprofen for pain.
True, Ibuprofen probably isn't gonna do much.
But these pain-killer addicts decide to make a big hooplah about the fact that he needs something stronger to kill the pain.
This fool Melody is gonna LEAVE THE EXAM ROOM and track down a nurse, and ask for something stronger.
They got the doctor to change it to something else.
A shot.
Supposedly that started to take the edge of the pain off.
I mean I understand that he needed something stronger.
But really?
Did they have to make a big deal out of it like they did?
Anohun.
Anyway.
Then the doctor said it wasn't broken according to the x-ray and that he wanted to see Henry back in there today to see if the swelling had gone down or gotten bigger or what.
They made him an appointment for today while he was taking his drug test.
(sidenote: Anytime this company he works for sends people from the job to this place, they have to have a drug test)
And a note for work for today.
Of course Melody didn't like that, because that means he can't get out and make that $$$$$$$$.
She's starving like a shark for $$$$$$$$$$$$$.
And its fracking annoying.
Ugh.
Then we went to Walgreens to get his prescription.
Lord have mercy, this was gonna take 30 minutes or longer.
I wouldnt've minded that normally.
But I was with Melody.
It's not Kaitlyn that I minded being with.
It's Melody.
Don't get me wrong.
I love her.
But.
She.
Irks.
Me.
And.
Gets.
Under.
My.
Skin.
Like.
You.
Would.
Not.
Believe.
I just... I can't deal with it.
She wanted some "of the good name brand of clear nail polish like you have."
Then she wanted color.
Then she wanted sparkles.
Then she wanted clear again.
Then this brand was wrong.
Then this brand was right, but it was the wrong color.
I mean, this GROWN WOMAN was acting like a LITTLE GIRL about what fingernail polish to buy!
And I tried to help her.
I just gave up.
Walked away.
And tried to calm myself in an effort to keep from going off.
Anyway.
Got his prescription, I got some un-needed sweets and some much-needed headbands.
Got checked out, then ignored by this dude at the counter.
Got Henry's meds.
Continued to be talked all over, and continued to get pissed.
Then, of all things.
Melody is like "So Henry, you'll have to go down the hill with those crutches because I can't pull this car down in the yard."
That car has been down in the yard multiple times before, but she can't pull it down there so her "pride and joy of a future son-in-law."
Anyway.
It's like 9 PM.
There's dew on the ground.
The grass, especially.
And there's a steep hill that he'd have to go down in crutches.
As opposed to taking the steps, which are RIGHT beside the hill.
They go down the hill.
Or up, whichever way you're coming.
Anyway.
I've been on crutches before, and I know from experience that going down a steep hill with dew on it at night when its dark with crutches is probably one of the dumbest things a person could do.
So I tried to speak up.
"Melody, I don't think that's such a good idea," I said.
Kaitlyn AND Henry himself! agreed with me.
But no, Melody wanted to argue.
"Wellnothestepsareharderandtakemoretimeandblahzedeblazedehblahhh."
I'm just like "Well I'm not trying to insist, but I know from experience that it's easier to take the steps, even if it does take more time."
"OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAYYYY! FINE WE'LL LISTEN TO YOU HE CAN GO DOWN THE STEPS BUT I SWEAR I WORKED AT UVA FOR SO MANY YEARS I KNOW ITS HARDER TO GO DOWN STEPS."
Kaitlyn stood up for me.
"Mama, why are you yelling at Allie? She was just trying to be helpful and keep the boy from falling, she wasn't trying to argue with you."
"Yeah Kaitlyn I know, but I'm just saying I think it'd be easier but whatever.."
I didn't say another word until I told her goodbye, about 10 or 15 minutes later.
I had no more to say.
Kaitlyn knew I was pissed.
I didn't say anything to her.
But she knew.
Anyway.
Then the night was normal.
And boy was I thankful.
I took a shower, talked to Mama for a while, and I was conked out.
I took a pill for a migraine too, if that counts.
I'm getting one just thinking about it.
That sucks.
Anyway.

SHABBA!

"Man I've Been Workin' Too Hard, 10 Hour Days And I'm Tired."

As I sit here and stare at this picture before me, fists clenched so hard that my nails are literally cutting into my palm in spots and I feel the circulation in part of my hand beginning to disappear, tears of anger, fear, and regret well up in my eyes and I grow more and more emotional.

True story of about 2 minutes ago.
Only part of the stress in my life.

Anyway.
Today was pretty good.
I got up early.
Went shopping with Daddy.
We stopped and got food and all of us sat here and ate- Mama, Daddy and I.
Then he was about to leave and we were standing outside talking.
Melody, Kaitlyn & Harold come strutting up the steps, about to take Harold to work.
Cool.
We stood there and talked more.
Daddy left.
They left.
Then a little later, maybe like an hour later, Jr came home for lunch.
Melody & Kaitlyn came in and talked for a while.
Then I walked outside to check something on the tow truck.
And Linda's rolling down the street.
Linda is our next door neighbor, by the way.
She's also my cousin.
She's great.
Anyway.
So she just got back from therapy and was highly pissed and in pain.
She's been talking to Mama a lot lately since Mama's been through all of that stuff.
Anyway.
So we had Grand Central Station going in here.
Mama, Jr, Melody, Kaitlyn, Linda, and I.
Then Shane shows up.
We all sat there and talked.
Jr went back to work.
Shane just dropped by to say hey and grab something from his big envelope that he needed for work.
Then left.
So all of us still sat here and talked.
Then everyone left.
Melody & Kaitlyn went downstairs to eat.
Linda went to get her kids from school.
When she got back she came right over here again and we talked for another hour and a half or so.
I mainly laughed and giggled because Linda is HILARIOUS.
Anyway.
Then Jr got here and she left shortly after to go get her husband from work.
And that was that.
Our afternoon was basically the usual after that.
I read.
Mama popped bubbles.
Jr farmed.
I got on the computer for a while.
Thought about OSTG.
Gathered my exact thoughts about what I'm gonna write and intended to start writing.
Then I got horribly sleepy.
So I sat the computer down.
Then Mama wanted me to eat dinner with her.
So I ate.
Read some more.
Then called Daddy.
Then had a hardcore dance workout that I so desperately needed to release some stress.
But of course it did nothing beneficial for my ankle.
OH.
I didn't tell you all, did I?
Yeah.
Well.
A few years back.
Likeeeeeeeee, 4-ish.
I tore ligaments in my right foot and ankle.
It. Hurt. Like. Holy. High. Heavens.
And I had to be on crutches for about 2 weeks.
Maybe longer, I don't know.
Anyway.
The doctor said it'd heal, but I may still experience problems afterward for perhaps a lifetime.
Popping, occasional pain, swelling randomly, all that fun stuff.
Well I've always had issues with the popping since then.
That doesn't hurt.
It just feels funny but relaxes it at the same time.
Occasionally I'd have pain.
Never had swelling since the time I was on crutches.
Then.
Sunday.
Daddy and I went out for a walk after our dinner, like I said in my previous post.
My ankle started hurting pretty badly, but I didn't think anything of it.
I didn't have on the best shoes for walking, and my body was tired and I probably just needed to exercise it.
That's what I thought.
It was doing a little popping while I was walking, which is kind of rare, but I thought nothing of it.
There was a little burning sensation, but nothing like the original time.
And I shrugged it off and tried to take my mind off of the pain.
To no avail.
I just didn't say anything to anyone though, because it's obvious that no one cares except for one person.
I'll get to that.
Anyway.
I got home and was about to get undressed to take a shower, and I tried to kick my shoe off.
In pain, of course.
But it wouldn't come off.
Normally I slide them on and off with ease.
Not this time.
I looked down and my entire foot was bigger than the shoe in size, but it was compacted into the shoe somehow and had like molded itself to the inside of the shoe and was basically stuck.
I had to wrestle with my own foot and shoe for about 10 minutes before I could finally get the shoe off.
I took a shower really quick, and elevated my foot on my bed with about 5 pillows.
The swelling went down some, and I put ice on it and then a heating pad, just like I had to do the first time.
It helps the pain either way, ligaments or not.
Either way, I relaxed.
Still said nothing to anyone because again, no one would have cared if I did anyway.
So then I talked to Twin.
And ended up falling asleep later.
Shane comes in and finds my leg propped up on all of these pillows and of course wonders wth is going on.
He wakes me up and I was skeptical about telling him at first.
I wasn't sure if he'd shrug me off like everyone else seems to love to do, so I just sorta hesitated.
He continued to inquire, so I explained.
He rubbed it softly with Bengay, which is this muscle rub stuff that heats up the muscles and relaxes them.
It smells like straight up Vick's Vapor Rub, but he didn't mind.
It makes your eyes water and the smell lingers in the room & bed linens and whatnot for DAYS.
But Shane made no fuss about it.
He just massaged it gently and though it hurt, it helped a lot.
When I woke up the next morning, the swelling had gone down significantly and the pain was much better.
I started walking around and doing my normal everyday duties, and it swelled up again and began to hurt again.
But the swelling wasn't as bad.
The pain was worse, though.
I put a brace on and still never said anything to anyone.
I wore socks so that Mom wouldn't see the brace because I didn't want to put her through the aggravation of pretending to care.
Anyway.
Shane came home and I had put more ice on it, and he massaged it again for a little while until it started to aggravate it.
Then he just laid it down softly and talked to me until I fell asleep.
Then this morning, the swelling was gone, but the pain was excruciating.
To put weight on it hurt like never before.
So I put the brace on, put on my tennis shoes and jeans and no one knew.
But by the time I got here from shopping with Daddy, I was so hot I couldn't take it, so I went and put on shorts.
I took off the brace, in hopes that maybe it'd help or something, and in an effort to make myself look normal.
I forced myself to walk normally, without a limp the entire day, until finally, I couldn't take it any longer.
While Linda was here, I got up and went in my room, slid the brace on, and came out.
I tried to exercise it after that, and never said a word still.
No one mentioned it until hours later.
I knew Jr wouldn't.
Mama, I figured she would have beforehand, but I wasn't surprised when she didn't.
About 3 hours later, she stared at the computer screen, never breaking her gaze to glance at me.
"What's wrong with your ankle," she asked in an aggravated tone.
"It's swolen and hurts. Feels like when I tore those ligaments, but I don't think that's what it is."
Not.
Another.
Word.
DOES NO ONE IN THIS WORLD HAVE AN OUNCE OF CARING FOR ME IN THEIR BODY TO THE POINT WHERE NO ONE CAN EVEN FAKE CARING ABOUT ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
I just don't get it.
I don't mean to complain.
But hear me out, please.
You can't interrupt me and talk about yourself instead, so you'll listen, won't you Blogger?
Thank you.
Anyway.
It's a double standard.
What do I do everyday?
Do I not sit here and listen to people's problems, and help them with whatever is going on in their lives?
Is that not my duty?
But yet.
Here I am.
Offering an open ear and a clear shoulder to cry on.
And no one can even take two minutes to listen to me and what's going on in my life?
Am I THAT insignificant, boring, unappreciated, and unimportant that I'm not even worth that?
I don't deserve that much?
I guess not.
And I'm not surprised.
So for the past few weeks, I probably haven't been myself.
I've been trying to figure out what I've been doing that makes people so aggravated with me.
And why I'm not worth the sacrifice of two minutes to listen.
And why everyone appears to be growing more and more annoyed with me by the day.
I've been paranoid for the past few weeks, trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me that makes no one care anymore.
Then I realized what was really going on.
One of two things.
A.) I'm crazy, delusional, and hallucinating, and everyone is acting fine and I'm just imagining everything going on in my life.
Or B.)
No one cared to begin with, and they just pretended to, and slowly, one at a time, they decided that caring about me isn't worth it.
That they truly don't care, and don't wish to try to care.
Or show an ounce of consideration.
Which I mean, I'll deal with it.
I've dealt with worse before.
I just don't know WHAT THE HELL I've done to everyone in my life that makes me seem so unappetizing.
To the point where no one will spare a second of their time to listen.
True, some people in my life have always been like that, and I've dealt with that and learned not to take it personally.
However.
That was all fine and dandy.
I was cool.
Until EVERYONE else in my current life decided to follow their example.
I can only think of one person who either is a perfect pretender, or who truly cares.
I'll keep that person's identity a secret.
I just don't get it.
It's been the focus of my entire recent life.
And I can't think of anything else.
I feel like I'm going crazy slowly.
I feel like I'm depressed.
I feel like I'm going to shoot someone before this stress gets out of my system.
I feel like I'm going to need an overwhelming amount of Prozac.
I feel like I'm going to go crazy if I don't get this out of my system.
I feel like I'm going to go crazy if I don't go crazy first.
Yeah, that made no sense.
That entire rant made no sense to anyone but me, I'm sure.
Not that anyone cares.
Because they've already shown me that they don't.
With the exception of one person.
And honestly, I'm surprised that that one person cares.
I don't know why this person cares, but all I can do is thank this person epically.
This person is giving me all that I need right now, and that's an ounce of a ray of happiness in this doom dark-filled padded room that I find myself locked in for an undisclosed amount of time.

SHABBA!

It Was 1989- My Thoughts Were Short, My Hair Was Long.

Caught somewhere between a boy and man.
She was seventeen and she was far from in between.
It was summertime in northern Michigan.

Love that song.
All Night Long by Kid Rock.
Anyway.
I'm here.
The past few days have been pretty good overall.
I don't remember Friday.
Saturday I went to a cookout with about 200 or so of my family members.
That was fun surprisingly.
AND CARLY WAS THERE!
I was excited to see her!
I hadn't seen her since school ended.
She was telling me something that Dr. Honeyslice said about me.
It was really sweet.
I was sooooo happy.
Anyway.
Then yesterday was Daddy's birthday.
We had a cookout for him.
The four of us.
And that sounds pitiful, I know.
But it was super fun.
Daddy said it was one of his best birthdays ever.
He was so excited and happy.
After we ate, Daddy and I walked to try to settle our food, and to get some exercise.
That was cool.
I hadn't seen him in a while long enough to really talk, and that walk was like making up for a couple of missed weeks.
Then he left.
We came on back down the road to the other house.
Then did nothing.
I stayed up late and talked to Twin.
Then Shane came over when he got done working on this video thing.
We talked for a few hours.
By the time I went to sleep, it was well after 5, and I woke up at 9.
That was 3 hours and a few minutes of sleep.
I've functioned plenty of times on fewer.
Anyway.
The power had gone out and came back on while I was snoozing away.
Shane slept until about 11:30.
Then we all sat here and did nothing until this evening.
We went out to IHOP to eat after we ran to the dollar store.
It.
Was.
Delish.
Love IHOP.
Then we chilled again.
I read in my new favorite book.
Shane worked on editing this video.
Mama watched TV and played on the computer.
Josh was on the computer.
I called Daddy.
The usual.
And we're still just chillin out.
Well I'm burning up right now.
Sweating horribly.
THAT REMINDS ME.
Yesterday when we cooked for daddy.
That. House. Was. So. Hot. It. Should. Have. Been. Illegal.
Seriously.
I swear it was at least 115 degrees in there.
I'm totally serious, no exaggeration.
It was in the 90's outside and walking out there was like turning on the air condition.
Literally.
I felt like I was in the sweat shop or something.
Ugh.
Oh well.
Daddy was happy, and I'll wipe sweat for the rest of my life if it means that I'll see him smile.
Same goes for Mama.
And Josh.
And Jesse.
And Shane.
And some others.
:]
Haha.
But the past few days have been good.
On the outside.
I'm still struggling on the inside.
I need to go talk to Shane about my current struggles.
I think I will.
He always knows what to do.

By the way, I know I mentioned my favorite book that I've been reading.
DEAR.
JOHN.
I LOVE IT LIKE NO ONE WOULD EVER BELIEVE!!!
Haha.
It's great.
I'm just getting to the big part now.
The saddest part.
But the entire book has been epically depressing, yet romantic, loving, and upbeat at the same time.
Haha.
Wow.
That sounds like my current range of emotions.
Crazy.
Anyway.
Tomorrow I have to go shopping with Daddy.
Looking forward to it :]
I love shopping period, and he's easy to shop with.
Yay.
So now I'm gonna go talk to Shane.
And try not to have a mental breakdown in the process.

SHABBA!

"Soooo who else rode the Shakira train? I mean that's a tunnel that can't take but so many rail roads..."

Hey.
This is gonna be short again.
The past few days have been rollercoaster-ish.
I've been battling internal issues.
And no, I don't mean poop.
But I have someone new to help me through these issues.
Tehehe.
His name is Shane.
And he just happens to be amazing.
He's my favorite You-tuber ever, and we've been hanging out lately anddd yeah.
Anywho.
Wes and I split completely.
For a while, anyway.
He asked me to come to lunch the other day.
I reluctantly agreed.
We ate and he's like "So. What's up with us?"
And I'm like "You tell me."
"I think we need a break. I mean Allie, I still love you. I really do. So much that it hurts. But I just think we're starting to drive each other crazy because we need some time apart. Let's just do it as a test. As an experiment. Who knows what will happen?"
"Well what does this 'experiment' include?"
"Whatever you want it to."
"Wes, don't do that. What does it mean?"
"If you want to date someone else, be my guest."
"That's not necessarily what I was asking, but okay."
"And no, I don't have anyone else on the side that I'm seeing while we're on a break, but I can't guarantee that I'll stay single for a long time."
"Cocky much?"
"You know it."
"How long is this going to last?"
"I don't know. What do you think?"
"I don't know. Two weeks?"
"No. Longer. Three weeks."
"Why not just make it a month?"
He looked at me funny.
"Sure. A month. Then we'll meet up and see what it is then."
"Okay."
"And I'll come get my stuff that I need out of the apartment tonight."
"Okay."
"Okay then. Thanks for joining me for lunch. See you tonight."
"Why are we making this sound so formal? I mean did we not get engaged a few months ago? You're acting like we're total strangers. It wouldn't be so awkward if you didn't make it that way, you know."
"Whoaaa, I didn't see a crab on your plate but apparently it must have slid down into your pants! Where is THAT coming from?"
"I'm just aggravated that you're treating me like some random girl from 5th Street that you've never met before and clearly we're closer to each other than we are to anyone else in the world."
"True."
"So why don't you talk to me about why you're really angry, instead of all this 'month off' nonsense?"
"Oh so it's nonsense now?"
"It was nonsense to begin with, but I'm saying- why can't we sit down and talk about this like adults?"
"Well you see, that's kind of hard to do when half of the group doesn't know the meaning of the word 'adult.'"
"Yeah, your half! I mean we've been mad at each other for so long that I don't even remember why we fought in the first place."
"You spend too much time with Jesse."
"What?! THAT'S why you're mad?! First of all, I hardly ever see him! And secondly, he's my best friend, so what do you expect?"
"So he's worthy of more of your time than I am? That hurts, Allie. It really does."
"If you weren't so self-conscious, Wes, then maybe you wouldn't be hurt. I mean we just talk online mostly, and on the phone occasionally. If you want to see what we talk about, let me know and I'll show you our conversations. I mean its not like we're trashing you or anything."
"Also, I don't appreciate how you've just decided to get so attitudinal with me all of a sudden."
"Yeah, because you seem to be hiding stuff from me, and when I ask you what's up or what you've been up to all day you seem like you don't want to tell me. THAT's what I don't appreciate!"
"Well right about now, I don't appreciate you, Allie, and I don't think you appreciate me, or all that I've done for you either."
"That's what you think huh?"
"Yup."
"Well think what you want, Wes. I'm gone. If you decide you want me back, you know where to find me."

I walked out.
I don't need his mess.
I have Shane to help me.
He's awesome.
So yeah.
We had this hilarious night the other night.
Like okay.
We were just dancing around like idiots, and we started doing this really nerdy dance, and we got the idea to put on his nerd outfits that he uses for his videos.
So we each had on khaki shorts, a vertical striped dress-kinda shirt from Hollister, black rimmed glasses, suspenders, and black tennis shoes.
Then we were laughing and whatnot.
And all of a sudden I was like "Shane, if it weren't for these suspenders I would have my SHORTS ON THE GROUND, SHORTS ON THE GROUND, I'D BE LOOKIN PRETTY COOL WITH MY SHORTS ON THE GROUND, WITH MY BLACK-RIMMED GLASSES, KHAKI SHORTS ON, SHORTS HIT THE GROUND, PEOPLE CALL ME A NERD BUT I'M LOOKIN PRETTY COOL, WALKIN IN THE CLUB WITH MY SHORTS ON THE GROUND GET IT UP, HEY!"
I literally thought both of us would pee ourselves before we could get to the bathroom.
Soooooooooooo hilarious.
The funniest part?
He taped our funny nerd dancing and we also took pictures of our little nerd outfits and whatnot.
And he still had the camera on when I was doing my little song.
I had the nerdy movements to go with it too!
And I even did my nerd voice!
That squealy, nasal-ish one.
It's hilarious.
Andddd he said he was gonna put it on YouTube.
I dared him to!
Hahahahaha.
He's great.
So yeah.
Other than that, my life has been okay.
I went to Richmond on Saturday.
Relaxed on Sunday because we were all so tired from our trip.
Rode around and looked at super nice houses with Ma and went shopping on Monday.
Went to take stupid SOLs on Tuesday.
Went to the doctor with Mama on Wednesday. They think she might either have arthritis or fibromyalgia. I felt the pain for her :(((
So yeah.
Then today we went grocery shopping.
And hung out.
Then Laura came over and we had a super fun conversation.
Pretty fun stuffffff :]
And Shane's been staying with me for the past few nights.
That's cool.
He's here now.
That's awesome.
So we're gonna go do some random stuff.
Probably go clean up my room some more since it's terribly un-organized.
We were going through my closet earlier and basically played with my clothes and had bunches of fun.
And we didn't clean up from it so we'll probably go do that now.
Thennnnnnn I'll probably go to bed.
Seeing as how I have to get up early tomorrow to go to LHS to see TWINNNN !!!!!!!!!!
Oh how I love thee, Jesse.
So yes.
Tonight has been great and tomorrow seems to be playing out the same way.
SHABBA !

Eenie-Meanie-Minee-Moe Lover.

I'm having the time of my life today during "Hate Allie Day."
It only seems as if a few people are participating today, though.
I appreciate that.
If you don't care about me, or don't like me, or are annoyed with me, or any of the similar, please say so now.
Thank you.

--Twin- Don't get worried haha. I'm not talking about you! Just a few other people. Ugh.--

SHABBA!

Are We An Item? Girl Quit Playing.

I swear, I love the Biebz.
But the more I watch this parody of Shane making fun of him, the more I fall in love with Shane and out of love with Bieber.
Hahaha.

Hey.
It's me.
So the past few days have been interesting.
We'll skip to today.
Woke up.
Got ready.
Went to Daddy's.
Fixed his TV.
Almost shattered my tailbone.
I fell down the steps.
It hurt pretty bad.
At first it was excruciating.
Then it went away and I didn't feel anything.
Then like 4 hours ago I moved and tried to dance and it was like "CLURCCKKKKKKKKK" and hurt like cuhrayzee.
Anyway.
Went to the other house.
Went to Grandma's.
Sat there for a while and talked to Uncle Joey and Aunt Charlene.
They came up for a visit of sorts.
Then Mama and I left.
Went to Radio Shack.
Went to Goodwill.
Saw THE cutest guy in existence.
UGH!
Anyway.
Then we went and got chineseeeee :]
In Lorinburg.
Then came home.
Josh didn't get home until 10 something.
Then as he was turning onto the road that leads to another road, to another road, to our driveway, he got another call.
He ran in and got a pack of crackers since he hadn't eaten anything ALL DAY which is his fault.
Anyway.
Went out on that call.
Got back around midnight.
And now we're all still awake.
I'm about to go to sleep though.
And I talked to Twin.
That was much-needed and appreciated :]
I love him ever-so much.
So yeah.
That was today.
Oh!
And I had this big blow up because Ruthie was harping on us riding to Rightfield with her.
And Mama and I are like "So if we're not good enough to ride to Fairlanes, we're not good enough to ride to Rightfield."
So then she got mad.
Of course.
And then wanted to get smart.
"Can I speak to your MAMA? Where IS she?"
And I'm like "On the phone with Josh. He needed directions to somewhere because the GP--."
She cut me off.
"Well, tell her she needs to HANG UP THE PHONE with Josh and talk to ME. She talks to him all the time and she needs to talk to ME right now."
I.
Thought.
I.
Was.
Gonna.
Have.
To.
Go.
LeQueesha.
On.
Herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Thankfully I walked out of my room and Mama was off of the phone.
She had just hung up with Josh, apparently.
I handed her the phone and just sat down.
I was so angry I was shaking.
And I was like "Ummmm, okay. I understand that you're her sister. I also understand that she talks to Josh a lot. But A.) who are you to judge who Mama should and should not talk to, when she should talk to them, and how often she should talk to them? B.) WHAT is so important that you had to talk to her? I mean we were having a decent conversation before you decided to go all... I don't even know. C.) THANK YOU for judging Mama's actions and ONCE AGAIN trying to control her life. Your efforts are greatly appreciated. I mean, without you, what would we do? We'd have no reason to be mad! Thank you, again.
That's how I felt.
Plus a few other things that I won't mention.
Ugh.
So pissed.
So so so so so so so pissed.
Like a toilet.
I was pissed like a toilet.
Like you don't even understand!
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Then later she called back and wanted to be all nice and stuff because a.) she knows she's wrong and b.) she needed my help with MapQuest.
I'm like "I just LOVE the way you work, Aunt Ruthie. Really. I mean, how EVER did you find out the secret to being so maniacal and sneaky and nosey?????? I'd like to know."
Anyway.
Then I was trying to work on some GPA stuff.
Trying to figure out if I was going to graduate Magna Cum Laude or Summa Cum Laude.
I'm totally not sure.
I think it'll be Summa Cum Laude if I work hard enough.
But that means MAJOR studying.
I'm like "Uhhhhhhhhh, I kinda want to have a life. AND I have work at the firm. Fun."
But who knows?
Anything can happen.
I kinda hope I do graduate Summa Cum Laude.
I'd be totally and extremely excited for Magna Cum Laude.
Don't get me wrong.
But I just... it would mean the WORLD to me to graduate Summa Cum Laude.
I don't know why it means so much to me.
But it does.
So yeah.
Should be interesting.
Then I tried to calculate what I think my GPA will be when I graduate.
EPIC ! FAIL !
Seriously.
I'm just giving it up for tonight [DE].
I'll work on it later.
As long as I'm at least Magna Cum Laude I'll be fine.

OH!
I wrote some OSTG the other day.
And Twin loved it.
I have to admit, it was pretty good.
Not to sound conceited.
But I kinda liked it :]
So yeah.
Lets just hope I can keep up this work ethic for this next scene.
It's going to be EPIC !
But hopefully missing the "FAIL !"
Tehehe.

SHABBA!

Boutta Go Thriller Mike Jackson On These Nigguhs.

All I need now is a f*ckn red jacket with some zippas.

Love that line.
I just adore the reference to Michael Jackson.
Even though it cusses a lot.
Oh well.

Just thought I'd say.
Thank you for everyone who participated in Hate Allie Day!
I understand how much fun everyone had in this way,
And I'm sure a few of you would like to make it a holiday!

Just saying.
That's how I feel right now.
I mean if you don't care, just tell me.
Don't pretend to care.
And don't blatantly act like you care, when its quite obvious that you don't.
But can SOMEONE please show just an ounce of caring for me?
I mean I take the time to care about other people's problems.
And I'm not at least worthy of a little bit of reciprocation?
I guess not.

SHABBA!

"We're Goin' Off Tonight, To Kick Out Every Light."

Jam.
Yeah.
So today was a big blob of nothingness that was much appreciated.
Mama and I just laid around.
I watched Shane vids a lot.
Then I cooked dinner.
Pinto beans and put some butter on some hot dog buns we had and broiled them.
YUM.
Then I watched more Shane vids.
Thought about a lot of stuff.
Worked on some OSTG.
Thought more.
Watched Shane to make me stop thinking so much.
Fantasized about when Shane and I are married how I'll be able to release all of my feelings to him and not keep them stored in my brain.
I honestly can't wait.
I mean my brain is big (not to sound conceited), but not THAT big.
I'm having like an overload lately.
I need help.
Booness.

SHABBA!

I Knew When We Collided You're The One I've Decided Is One Of My Kind.

Love that song.
Hey Soul Sister by Train.
Just makes me bounce and head bang softly because its that kind of song.
<3

Yoooo.
So I've been so busy/upset/angry/rahhhhhhhh that I haven't had a chance to blog, and I apologize for that.
Anyway, the past few days have been hectic.
Friday that whole internet squabble went down.
Immature and idiotic.
Whatever.
Saturday I don't remember.
Sunday was Mother's Day.
We woke up early, went to breakfast at Shoney's, then to Walmart, then home.
Mother's Day was great, unnnnntil we get a phone call.
"Grandma," the caller ID read.
So I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but basically the entire family is going to Fairfax on Friday for Tessia's graduation from GMU.
Sounds fun, right?
Not when you're going with my family.
So the original plan was that my mom, grandma and I were gonna ride up there and back with my aunt (Tessia's mom).
She has a huge Tahoe, and she told us from jump that we could ride with her if we wanted, and we agreed.
So on Sunday we get a call from my grandma.
My aunt is there in the background.
Hoopin' and a'hollerin, talkin about "I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH ROOM IN MY VEHICLE FOR EVERYONE'S ASSES TO RIDE IN IT SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YALL ARE GONNA DO BUT YOU'RE NOT RIDING WITH ME!"
And grandma's all shook up.
Mama's like raging with fury.
And then no one could give us a clear total on the nights we're staying and how much the hotel room was supposed to be.
Come to find out the reservations got all screwed up because NO ONE FREAKING ASKED US and we're only staying one night whereas everyone is staying two.
Grandma is rooming with us.
She gets the bed.
Mama and I get the FREAKING sleeper sofa thingy.
Which I despise epically.
Anyway.
So guess who has to rent a car to go to Fairfaxxx?!?!?!
WE. DO.
And the room.
Get this.
$130 for ONE NIGHT.
And it's not oceanfront.
It's not on a river.
Not on top of the Great Wall of China.
Nothing.
And we have to pay $130 to go up there for our presence not to be appreciated?!
Yeah, that makes sooooooooo much sense.
That girl could care less if we're there or not.
She probably doesn't want us there.
"Well, she's all excited about everyone coming up there and... and... and..."
Yeah, except us.
Mhm.
Yeah.
Keep talkin that blah, blah blah.
But I'm not listenin, in, in.
So yeah.
Mom got all upset.
I got horribly upset because of the situation and because of the fact that Mama was upset.
I was just like UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, you know?
Anyway.
Monday was pretty interesting.
Roller coaster day.
We went to the Goodwill.
Found a few things.
Went to another Goodwill.
Found some things.
I found out that I had drool spots on my hoodie, and would you not know that they looked like CUM STAINS?!?!
They had to be up near the top of the hoodie.
Near my mouth.
Insinuating that Wesley missed.
Thanks.
Anyway.
Then we came home.
And of all things, I dropped the most beautiful bowl I'd ever seen.
Glass went everywhere.
Including my foot.
I thought I had cleaned it all up, and was walking around barefoot a few minutes later.
Stepped on a very little piece of glass.
So now I have a lovely gash in the bottom of my foot.
It. Hurts. Like. Cuhrayzeeee.
Ughhhhhhh.
Swear it felt like I'd been shot on the bottom of my foot when it happened.
I screamed and almost cried.
And in the process of getting the glass out, I scratched my thumb all up and that hurts pretty badly now too, but its better.
Got blood all over the place, including my nails.
I was pissed.
As if I wasn't upset enough about the fact that I broke the beautiful bowl.
I had to go through the punishment for it.
Ugh.
Anyway.
Then Jr came home.
And gave me great news.
I might be getting a new car soon :]]]]]]]
I'm super excited about that.
Because I want oneeee haha.
So yeah.
Best part of my day.
Tuesday was yesterday and I don't really remember it.
I know we went somewhere, and somewhere, and then we went and made reservations for the rental car.
That's really all I remember because I was so upset about it.
OH I REMEMBER!
Yesterday I had to go to Bedford because daddy had an appointment for his thingamajiggys.
I forget what they're called.
Either way I went with him because he wanted me to.
Then he dropped me back off at home.
After we went to the Dollar Tree and Walmart.
Then we came down the road and did the rental car thingy.
So today Mama and I went to her appointment.
She had to have bloodwork done and she had a doctor's appointment.
So that was interesting.
Left there, went to Mad Heights and got a biscuit at Hardees.
Country Hammm<3
Then we went to Goodwill down there.
Yes, I'm aware that we're Goodwill fanatics and addicts.
Anyway.
Left there.
Went and ate Mexicannn.
Delish.
His name was Armondo.
Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. :]
Anywayyy.
Left there and went to Walmart.
Got food and makeup and stuff that we so desperately needed.
Mostly stuff for Fairfax.
Then came home because we were exhausted.
I tried on my dress that I'm wearing and put on the shoes with it because I was convinced that it wouldn't work but turns out it will.
Then Jr came home.
I started buffing my nails because I'm gonna do them in a little while.
I'd already have them done now, but Mama isn't cooperating :/
Blahhh.
Either way they're getting done.
So then Melody came up here.
Super blahhh.
Then Jr got a call.
And of all things, we passed Mr. & Mrs. Trayborne in. the. truck. with. him. on. the. way. to. a. call.
And we're technically not supposed to ride with him.
So yeah.
Ridiculous.
So we got the car, were about to drop it off, and the phone rang again.
Mrs. Trayborne.
Mainly because of insurance reasons, we're not allowed to ride.
:[[[[[[[[[[[[[
But Mama and I totally had a feeling we shouldn't go, and turns out we shouldn't have.
Boooo.
But he didn't get in trouble.
And we're still most likely gonna ride, but mainly at night, providing there are no extra passengers who need to ride too.
So yeah.
Then he got another call.
We got that one.
Dropped it off.
And its been quiet since.
I'm kinda glad, actually.
I don't really feel like going out right now.
So yeah.
Here I am.
I'm about to go clean up some stuff.
And pack everything since I haven't yet.
Then take a shower and all that jazz.
I guess I'll do my hair and nails tomorrow since that's apparently what Mama wants me to do.
I gotta get my hair did and my nails dun!
Yeah.
I'm epic.
Hopefully I'll get to talk to Twin tonight.
I miss him dearly.
I know he's enjoying the SAP, but for whatever reason my IMs don't seem to be going through :/
Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo on youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
:[

Oh!
Wesley and I are even further split apart right about now.
He had something to say about the fact that I've been running these towing calls with Mama and Jr.
I had a few words to say back to him.
And he basically told me that he wished we never got married and that he had never met me.
I said "In perhaps your most favorite words, 'the feeling is mutual'" and hung up.
He texted me and was like "You're a bitch".
I texted back.
"Why thank you, I know I am. You always liked that about me. But then again, that was when I was YOUR bitch. But now that I'm not, you have an attitude that's not appreciated."
"Well neither is your face."
"You're funny. Your face, presence, attitude, or dick are not appreciated."
"You never had those feelings before about my dick when you were screaming so loud the neighbors learned my name."
"That's when you were on Viagra, remember? I think it all went to your big ass head and made it even bigger than it originally was."
"If that's what you think fat ass, go right on ahead and think it."
"You never had a problem with my ass before. 'More to grab onto, more to kiss, more to love,' you always said."
"That's before you found the fried Twinkies and Oreos at Walmart."
"Go to hell, Wes!"
"I win."
"The hell you do."
"And what makes you say that?"
"I said 'Go to hell,' not 'I'm done with this conversation.'"
"Well I wasn't done when you came so quickly every time either, was I?"
"What is with you and the sexual jokes Wes? Is that really the only defense you can put together that's strong enough to defeat my argument?"
"Leave it to you to go all lawyer-ish."
"Leave it to you to be immature."
"You DID call me a dirty little boy, but you also called me BIGGGG daddy. What a contradiction..."
"Wes, you are officially on a new level of ridiculous. Go fuck your whore of a sister and let her call you whatever the hell she wants. I'm done with you, and your penis that's so small I had to break out the microscope AND the magnifying glass."
And no reply.
I think I did pretty well.
:]

SHABBA!

It'll Have You Callin' Non-Stop.

Song lyric from one of my formerly favorite jams.
"One Shot."
Loveee.

Hey.
It's me.
Just thought you might like to know.
So I can't think back any farther than yesterday.
So we'll start with that :]
So I went to a cookout/birthday party/all that jazz.
For my Uncle George and little cousin Krysteana.
She's adorable.
Most of the time.
Anyway.
It was funnnn!
Got to see all of my favorite cousins near my age.
Well, on my dad's side.
We did our usual.
We all hung outside together in the yard.
There were like 30-50 other adults there.
Perhaps more, perhaps less.
I didn't take roll haha.
Anyway.
Bailey and I sat on the swing and tried to tan.
Even though I had on jeans and we both had on tennis shoes.
Our arms and faces were trying.
Hahaha.
We were semi-successful by the end of the day.
But anyway.
Kelsie and Shay and Lorenzo and Charlique and Andre were there.
And then everyone gathered together to pray.
Then we ate.
DELICIOUS, as usual.
Barbara is the best cook EVER.
So we all went downstairs in the basement and ate.
Per non-usual, but whatever.
It was fun.
Andre, Shay, and Lorenzo decided to take off and go somewhere for a walk.
And we were just sitting in the basement acting dumb.
Kelsie and I pretended to be extremely wetoddid.
It was quite comical.
Somehow, we actually scared Charlique and Bailey.
When we were done being scary, we decided to go on a walk and try to find the other cousins.
Make sure they weren't doing a "one two three, not only you and me..."
If you know what I mean.
:P
Hahaha.
Anyway.
We walked all the way down this subdivision where we went before and caught frogs.
But to no avail.
Then we walked back.
Helped Barbara a little bit.
Sat in the basement and talked.
Brought Alyssa and Krysteana downstairs with us to play with their little toys.
I love them both<3
Anyway they played and we talked.
Then they wanted to go back upstairs.
So we took them up there and walked outside.
People were asking us where the other cousins were, and we didn't know.
So we decided to go look for them again.
Low and behold, we step over the hill and see them walking our way.
With this other jerk.
I think his name was Josh.
I can't stand him.
I don't even know him.
But I don't like him.
Anyway.
We met up with them.
We went for another walk down another subdivision down there.
A rich one, I might add.
That entire neighborhood is full of rich people, btw.
Just thought you might wanna know that.
Anyway.
So then there were catfights between Lorenzo and Bailey, Kelsie and Andre, and Bailey and Josh or whoever.
I just wanted to punch him.
No one messes with my Bailey.
So then Shay and Lorenzo play fought.
As usual.
They're like hardcore undercover lovers.
I think its interesting.
Because they're cousins.
And that's just...
West Virginia-ish.
Anyway.
We walked back to the house and got some cake and ice cream.
Bailey, Kelsie and I actually ran for a while, almost the entire way, and Bailey had to stop because her leg was hurting.
Kelsie and I tied.
It was fun.
Anyway so we ate dessert.
Chilled.
There was another fight before Kelsie and Andre.
They threw ice at each other which was immature.
Whatever.
Anyway.
Then I left a little later.
Not after listening to the. greatest. song. everrrr.
With my cousins.
"Fry that chicken, fry that chicken, everybody wants a piece of my chicken."
LOVELOVELOVEITHASMYLOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
So then Daddy and I left.
He dropped me off.
And then he went home.
The rest of the night was normal.
Woke up Monday and went to school.
Like normal.
Tuesday I went to Health for a few minutes, then went to Math review.
It was good.
I understood most of it.
So yeah.
Then Wednesday I didn't have school.
No exams.
Ma and I went to the VA with Papa.
Interesting.
Got hit on by an old man.
He was creepy.
Creeeeeeeeepaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
So we ate there too.
And sat there with Grandma during his appointment.
Then came home.
Daddy's been working on his mower all week.
Fun fun.
And it was fixed, and then... yeah.
It died again.
Anyway.
Yesterday I took my math exam.
I think I did pretty okay.
:]
Then played Sardines with the seniors.
FUNFUNFUNFUNFUN.
I'm gonna miss them :[
Well, most of them.
Anyway.
Went to Liberty for the last normal class period of the yearrr :]
Came home.
Basically vegged out.
Minus going to pay bills.
Then today I woke up early.
Daddy came over to get his mower and take it to Forest and mow.
I helped him load it.
Then he left.
Mama and I went out and did a little shopping/bill paying.
Then when we came home, we were sitting here.
Daddy pulled up.
Like 2 hours after he left.
The mower wouldn't work.
It was working fine before he left here, but it wouldn't work down there.
He was upset of course.
So then he worked on it.
To no avail.
I went to school at 11.
That's what time I had to be there.
We got our papers back in English.
Mr. Smith gave me a lovely compliment.
I was flattered.
He said that he loved that I never complained about the grade he gave me.
And that he appreciated it.
I was ecstatic.
Anyway.
Afterward a few of us re-pranked the Senior prank.
They had written all over the front windows of the school and sidewalk in front.
We scratched out their names and "2010" and put "2011" and whatnot :]
Sooooo fun.
Then we went out to DQ.
Delicious.
But not after conflict between Winston.
He wanted to walk, and I didn't.
Ariana wanted to walk, Kenzie didn't.
Nova didn't care.
And Winston even had the nerve to say "It's the down time of the day, I promise no one will get hit".
I snapped.
"BULL! It's freaking noon, LUNCH TIME and you call that 'down time'? I mean I knew you were crazy but that's a whole new level, even for you."
He finally agreed to drive.
I rode over with Kenzie since I didn't drive.
Thennnn, we got ice cream.
Had a few laughs.
Then went home.
I was exhausted.
Daddy was still working on the mower.
FRUSTRATED.
He left and decided to go take a nap.
He looked like he didn't feel good.
So he left.
Mama and I worked a little, then took naps.
I was just exhausted.
Mama had no energy all of a sudden.
Which worries me heavily.
But yeah.
So then I get on Bookface.
Only to be greeted by a message on the CVCC e-mail we had going this year.
From Taylor.
"That was immature, you're so dumb, soooo cool, blahblah."
I had a heated reply.
Jordan replied to mine.
"I'm glad ya'll had fun but you were representing us as a whole by putting 'Juniors 2011' and writing our individual names. You went too far, blahblah."
Another heated response.
No response yet.
Which I find comical.
So yeah.
I'm a little pissed, but mostly tickled with THEIR immaturity.
Yeah what we did was immature in some ways, but it was fun and didn't harm anybody.
Their idea of fun is making fun of people and watching racist videos on YouTube on the school's videos.
Whatever.
I don't have to see them again until August, and boy am I happy.
So now I'm about to get off of here.
I'll be back in a little bit with the hopes of talking to my Twin :]
Who I love oh-so-much :]]]

SHABBA!
I had a heated reply