Canine.

So.
I have come to realize.
The more I look around.
The more I'm surrounded by happy people...
I just figured out what is missing from my happiness.
I WANT A DOG.
Like NOW por favor!
I'm officially impatient at this point.
I I I I I I I I I I...WANT A DOG.
Preferably a small hypoallergenic one.
Likeeeeeeeeeee...

A maltese! They're so tiny and cute and furry and best of all, THEY ARE HYPOALLERGENIC.

Perhaps I'd even like to have an...

Airedale Terrier! My mom had one of these when she was my age, and she loved him to no end. I want that sort of companionship, and an Airedale can certainly provide that.

I'd even go as far as to have a...

Bichon Yorkie Hybrid! Although they aren't purebred, who can resist that cutie patootie?! Not I...

So bottom line: I'M GETTING A DOG. I. Must. Have. A. Dog. Immediately. I'm actually going to be a brat about this. I'M GETTING A DOG.

End of story.

SHABBA!

Happy.

happy (adj): in high spirits; satisfied

synonyms: blessed, blissful, can't complain, captivated, cheerful, chipper, content, convivial, delighted, ecstatic, elated, exultant, gay, glad, gleeful, gratified, intoxicated, jolly, joyful, joyous, jubilant, laughing, light, lively, merry, mirthful, on cloud nine, overjoyed, peaceful, peppy, perky, playful, pleasant, pleased, sparkling, sunny, thrilled, tickled pink, upbeat, walking on air.

Believe it or not, all of the above adjectives describe my current feelings. Legit. Like I've never been so happy, blessed, blissful, etc. before in any stage in my life. Don't let my joy fool you though. I still have difficult situations going on in my life that make me wanna just...gahhh. But for the first time in- well, ever really- I have something to look forward to that's overshadowing the pain of the other stressful situations unfolding in my mind.
To sate your curiosity, I'll explain that I had one of the best conversations with one of the best people I know last night (besides God), and I'm sincerely convinced that no matter how bad things may get, there will always be hope. If you don't have hope, you don't have anything. If you have hope, you have everything. So in that respect, I like to think that I have everything. I may not have everything that I need to finish out my life...but I have everything I want. :)


SHABBA!

"I try but I can't fight it."

Allow me to start off this post by apologizing for not doing much blogging lately. I ran into a set of unfortunate circumstances and have not been up to organizing my thoughts until today. At any rate, I hope that you will forgive me and join me in this expedition called "Life" that we have all been subjected to muddling through.

Aside from my "unfortunate circumstances," I have been simply peachy since my last post. I have no room for complaints in any aspect. In fact, things have been quite...peaceful, for lack of a better word. I have had time to make a few revelations and confirm some thoughts that I've been twirling around in my mind for months, even years. Most importantly, I have made leeway in diagnosing my biggest, most important and most detrimental flaw and am taking steps to correct it.

Contrary to what many of you may think, my biggest flaw does not include any form of substance abuse or addiction to any addictive substance. I may give off that impression once in a while considering how spastic and "out there" I act, but that's simply not the case. I am, however, the most impatient person I know, and that's GOT to change. I'm constantly checking my watch (or the clock on my phone because after all, this IS the 21st century) to make sure I'm not late. More importantly, I'm constantly checking my phone to be sure that no one else is late, especially when I need them for something. Waiting for anything to happen is just like being strapped down to a table and restrained for dear life, regardless of what I'm waiting for. The closer the matter is to my heart, the more impatient I become. And don't let me encounter a commercial break during my favorite TV show that takes longer than three minutes. Let's just say that my attitude is not pretty.

My lack of patience has been rearing its ugly head time and time again and slowly protruding its way into my reality, no matter how much I subconsciously try to push it out of the way. In a nutshell, I've learned that it's best to deal with big issues like these as opposed to letting them grow and grow until they're out of control. Therefore, I will add "impatience" to my rapidly expanding list of flaws to correct and push forward in my aspirations, no matter what they may be.

SHABBA!

Love and Happiness.

So here I am this evening, having one of the most stressful days I've had in my entire life, and he texts me something simple and it immediately brightens my mood.

Then I talked to him about what was bothering me...and he handled it perfectly. A little sympathy, but a lot of asking questions and then changing the subject (just how I like it. He knows me better than I thought).

And after our conversation had kind of dissipated, he lit up my night with a text with three simple words that never fail to make my heart skip a beat and race all in the same instant: "I love you." It's amazing how those three words made my night go from tears and fears to smiles and happiness.

All those cute little sayings, and the sweet "good morning" texts, and the fact that someone finally understands me...constitutes happiness in my book. The fights and dysfunction and manic depression/bipolar disorder and distance...it's all worth it. The fact that we're 1,227 miles apart and can still find a way to make each other happy beyond all comparison? That's the definition of "Love and Happiness." Al Green was speaking some reallll ishhhh on that one.

Bottom line: I love my boyfriend, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. ♥

Nothing To Lose But Everything To Gain.

So, on a brief note...I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. Last night was one of the best nights I've had in...I don't even know when. I guess the old saying is true, "distance makes the heart grow fonder." It's like this process that we've both been through in the last year, three months, and 5 days has just transformed our entire beings. In particular, the process that we've been through in the last seven months and 4 days has torn us apart, shredded our hearts, and reassembled our love from 1227 miles away.

It hasn't been an easy experience by far. We've been through more shit than the sewer workers in New York City and STILL somehow managed to stay together. But here's my thing. Yes, I know that things haven't always been the smoothest between us. I know that this newfound source of happiness that we both seem to possess isn't going to last forever. But all at the same time, I realize that our relationship has REPEATEDLY been put through the test and somehow, by the grace of God, we have found out way back to each other. For that reason, I think that there has to at least be something there worth pursuing once more.

In all of my previous relationships, I've never been able to say, "I can see myself being with this person for the remainder of time." I have thought, "He would make a great husband," or "Wow, he would be a great father," and similar thoughts, but never, "I can see myself being with this person for the remainder of time." I think that part of the reason deals with the fact that both of us have done a significant amount of growing up in the last few months, and have both had a lot of time to think about everything. You know how people say, "We need a break," or whatever the case may be? In essence, that's what we did, and it's brought us back together, happy and content :).

Well now that I've successfully run my thoughts together and rambled to a point where your poor brain is now spinning, I shall shut up and go about my lovely evening. I hope that you loverlies of mine enjoy your night, and please, whatever you do...don't do anything that I wouldn't do. ;)

SHABBA!

Allie

Relief.

For the last few weeks or so, I have been perpetually buried under stress and seemingly unsurmountable circumstances. I am beyond pleased to report that these emotions have been lessened, if only slightly. This isn't to say that I'm not still stressed out on an unhealthy level; rather that I am no longer stressed out about the thing that nearly drove me insane at one point. Although my love life continues to be treacherous and remains unresolved, it just unloaded a significant amount of stress from it. It goes without saying that I'm quite excited about this revelation and couldn't be happier concerning the short event/conversation that occurred tonight. In short, we dumped each other and we're moving on with other people, and we're both happy with that. Well, I'm happy, but that's just me speaking for myself.

So now that this particular chapter has been closed and flame extinguished, I'm more relieved than ever. If only this feeling of excitement and happiness will retain its presence...I may be on the road to recovery. It's too early to say for sure, but it's quite the possibility. for the first time in a long time, I have a good feeling about this situation. It's refreshing, I must say. Stay tuned...